Wednesday, November 12, 2008
choice & the battle of the self
I have never before in my entire existance known the true meaning of self, until now that is. The reason I say this is, I have relized that the only way to find true self is to be solitary. To experiment with talents and or passions freely to find what works for the individual. I have been soul searching for a while now, contemplating my lifes endless successes and tiring trials and as a whole I know now where it is I want to go and who it is I want to be. That my friends is my self. I am happy here as me, as much as me as I can be. Part of that me is the music I play. I have mentioned before this phenomenon if I may and I have had many choices delivered in persuing this part of myself. And the other side of me, life and family. I deserve both in perfect parellel to happiness. So now I am faced with choice..... Choice, the answer to the brains endless desire to spin its wheels. Choice....I have many choices to make from here, many wheels spinning. I am consistantly performing in this little town a growin' and now I have to decide how to keep up this momentum. I have a full time job, rent to pay and a darlin' daughter to assist into adulthood. Oh yes, I typically forget, there is also me to take care of in the midst of it all. So my decision making process is a bit jar'd at the moment.....how can I divi' out time accordingly to create win win situations all around in every facet of this jem I call life. This is where the self and the universe collide in a sense. Now how do I choose to balance them out? At the moment I am anxious to create many musical moments in Salt Lake, and out side the city too. At this moment I am anxious to create the perfect life situation for me and my family....I long for unity and creation to become of me....Family & Music....could music become part of my family in that I won't have to choose between the two....could they just line up accordingly and entwine together and then wrap themselves around little old me? This is where my thoughts lie today. I am content with myself. Now I get to move forward, no hurry I suppose, no hurry to make that decision....perhaps taking this life day to day is the exact way to pursuade the answer in this brain o' mine....the wheels are turnin' endlessly.
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So we all know the phrase, be careful what you wish for. Well here I am, guilty as charged yes indeed.
I wished, I wished and I wished... I was blessed.
I haven't been all to open about my personal world, but i find at this time its ok to share.
Afterall, I made one of those wishes right here. I wished for my family to become one with my music. Well in due time, I found and fell in love with an angel. An angel of whom has been saved by music, just like me. I won that wish. A musical man full of the magic came when I had least expected. In fact I had given up on the idea of really finding love in parallel with music and had began to just have fun. Then he came along, Mr. Mandoline himself. I did not even know how musical he was in the begining. We were friends of mutual friends and there it happened. I recongnized his soul seemed familiar with mine and I let myself begin to slip and fall. He did too. Serendipitously. So we fed each others flight with sillyness, musical moments and then some and he opened me to the idea of his joining the band. I agreed, we practiced, and made sparks fly, and Kinfolk was complete with our chemistry. Once familiar, we became this partnership of music, love, life and friendship-the kind you only dream of or wish for. We really found perfection in wishes, just by finding each other. So we spent a years time loving the hell out of the musical life and of course each other. So many shennanigans, so little time and oops! In the midst of making music we had made ourselves a love child. The wild love that had consumed us had rendered this musical mama pregnant with the first kinfolk family babe. What a blessing, what a change in life. Family in perfect parallel with music, done and done. Papa and I battled the changes, grew to accept them and embraced them. Tangible evidence that love and wishes do come true. His support rendered me fearless, our love fueled each moment, we were one, all three of us. Months flew by. We discovered baby to be is certainly a she, and we decided on the perfect name. MandaLynn Fawn Taylor, to honor proud papa kins' magical moves on Mandoline. This felt just right. We played baby MandaLynn music. Songs by us, songs by the legends, we just knew she too would be musical some how. More time flew. We were just round the corner from our home birth, when news of sudden change came. Our sweet love child, MandaLynn, her heart had stopped. Just like an angel, she graced us with love and light and then gone. We were dreaming, we thought, we would just wake up-awake we were. Here in the eye of perfection, one glitch-complications, 1 in 2500 appeared to have changed the tune to our story. I can not say much more, as enough is enough when you are faced with such heartache as this that is ours. I can say I have been blessed over and over. Wishing and knowing all things happen for a reason assists me in keeping the madness at bay. So do parallels in love, the greatest of
spirits, and the challenges that make us powerful.
I find my family is music for now, creation blooms within. I love my music man more and more every day and i am thankful for what we have been through. The fuel that is our love is the healing of our song, that we shal continue to play together.
I have loved and been loved, I have lost, and I have won. All in all there is a song to be sung.
So we all know the phrase, be careful what you wish for. Well here I am, guilty as charged yes indeed.
I wished, I wished and I wished... I was blessed.
I haven't been all to open about my personal world, but i find at this time its ok to share.
Afterall, I made one of those wishes right here. I wished for my family to become one with my music. Well in due time, I found and fell in love with an angel. An angel of whom has been saved by music, just like me. I won that wish. A musical man full of the magic came when I had least expected. In fact I had given up on the idea of really finding love in parallel with music and had began to just have fun. Then he came along, Mr. Mandoline himself. I did not even know how musical he was in the begining. We were friends of mutual friends and there it happened. I recongnized his soul seemed familiar with mine and I let myself begin to slip and fall. He did too. Serendipitously. So we fed each others flight with sillyness, musical moments and then some and he opened me to the idea of his joining the band. I agreed, we practiced, and made sparks fly, and Kinfolk was complete with our chemistry. Once familiar, we became this partnership of music, love, life and friendship-the kind you only dream of or wish for. We really found perfection in wishes, just by finding each other. So we spent a years time loving the hell out of the musical life and of course each other. So many shennanigans, so little time and oops! In the midst of making music we had made ourselves a love child. The wild love that had consumed us had rendered this musical mama pregnant with the first kinfolk family babe. What a blessing, what a change in life. Family in perfect parallel with music, done and done. Papa and I battled the changes, grew to accept them and embraced them. Tangible evidence that love and wishes do come true. His support rendered me fearless, our love fueled each moment, we were one, all three of us. Months flew by. We discovered baby to be is certainly a she, and we decided on the perfect name. MandaLynn Fawn Taylor, to honor proud papa kins' magical moves on Mandoline. This felt just right. We played baby MandaLynn music. Songs by us, songs by the legends, we just knew she too would be musical some how. More time flew. We were just round the corner from our home birth, when news of sudden change came. Our sweet love child, MandaLynn, her heart had stopped. Just like an angel, she graced us with love and light and then gone. We were dreaming, we thought, we would just wake up-awake we were. Here in the eye of perfection, one glitch-complications, 1 in 2500 appeared to have changed the tune to our story. I can not say much more, as enough is enough when you are faced with such heartache as this that is ours. I can say I have been blessed over and over. Wishing and knowing all things happen for a reason assists me in keeping the madness at bay. So do parallels in love, the greatest of
spirits, and the challenges that make us powerful.
I find my family is music for now, creation blooms within. I love my music man more and more every day and i am thankful for what we have been through. The fuel that is our love is the healing of our song, that we shal continue to play together.
I have loved and been loved, I have lost, and I have won. All in all there is a song to be sung.
So we all know the phrase, be careful what you wish for. Well here I am, guilty as charged yes indeed.
I wished, I wished and I wished... I was blessed.
I haven't been all to open about my personal world, but i find at this time its ok to share.
Afterall, I made one of those wishes right here. I wished for my family to become one with my music. Well in due time, I found and fell in love with an angel. An angel of whom has been saved by music, just like me. I won that wish. A musical man full of the magic came when I had least expected. In fact I had given up on the idea of really finding love in parallel with music and had began to just have fun. Then he came along, Mr. Mandoline himself. I did not even know how musical he was in the begining. We were friends of mutual friends and there it happened. I recongnized his soul seemed familiar with mine and I let myself begin to slip and fall. He did too. Serendipitously. So we fed each others flight with sillyness, musical moments and then some and he opened me to the idea of his joining the band. I agreed, we practiced, and made sparks fly, and Kinfolk was complete with our chemistry. Once familiar, we became this partnership of music, love, life and friendship-the kind you only dream of or wish for. We really found perfection in wishes, just by finding each other. So we spent a years time loving the hell out of the musical life and of course each other. So many shennanigans, so little time and oops! In the midst of making music we had made ourselves a love child. The wild love that had consumed us had rendered this musical mama pregnant with the first kinfolk family babe. What a blessing, what a change in life. Family in perfect parallel with music, done and done. Papa and I battled the changes, grew to accept them and embraced them. Tangible evidence that love and wishes do come true. His support rendered me fearless, our love fueled each moment, we were one, all three of us. Months flew by. We discovered baby to be is certainly a she, and we decided on the perfect name. MandaLynn Fawn Taylor, to honor proud papa kins' magical moves on Mandoline. This felt just right. We played baby MandaLynn music. Songs by us, songs by the legends, we just knew she too would be musical some how. More time flew. We were just round the corner from our home birth, when news of sudden change came. Our sweet love child, MandaLynn, her heart had stopped. Just like an angel, she graced us with love and light and then gone. We were dreaming, we thought, we would just wake up-awake we were. Here in the eye of perfection, one glitch-complications, 1 in 2500 appeared to have changed the tune to our story. I can not say much more, as enough is enough when you are faced with such heartache as this that is ours. I can say I have been blessed over and over. Wishing and knowing all things happen for a reason assists me in keeping the madness at bay. So do parallels in love, the greatest of
spirits, and the challenges that make us powerful.
I find my family is music for now, creation blooms within. I love my music man more and more every day and i am thankful for what we have been through. The fuel that is our love is the healing of our song, that we shal continue to play together.
I have loved and been loved, I have lost, and I have won. All in all there is a song to be sung.
So we all know the phrase, be careful what you wish for. Well here I am, guilty as charged yes indeed.
I wished, I wished and I wished... I was blessed.
I haven't been all to open about my personal world, but i find at this time its ok to share.
Afterall, I made one of those wishes right here. I wished for my family to become one with my music. Well in due time, I found and fell in love with an angel. An angel of whom has been saved by music, just like me. I won that wish. A musical man full of the magic came when I had least expected. In fact I had given up on the idea of really finding love in parallel with music and had began to just have fun. Then he came along, Mr. Mandoline himself. I did not even know how musical he was in the begining. We were friends of mutual friends and there it happened. I recongnized his soul seemed familiar with mine and I let myself begin to slip and fall. He did too. Serendipitously. So we fed each others flight with sillyness, musical moments and then some and he opened me to the idea of his joining the band. I agreed, we practiced, and made sparks fly, and Kinfolk was complete with our chemistry. Once familiar, we became this partnership of music, love, life and friendship-the kind you only dream of or wish for. We really found perfection in wishes, just by finding each other. So we spent a years time loving the hell out of the musical life and of course each other. So many shennanigans, so little time and oops! In the midst of making music we had made ourselves a love child. The wild love that had consumed us had rendered this musical mama pregnant with the first kinfolk family babe. What a blessing, what a change in life. Family in perfect parallel with music, done and done. Papa and I battled the changes, grew to accept them and embraced them. Tangible evidence that love and wishes do come true. His support rendered me fearless, our love fueled each moment, we were one, all three of us. Months flew by. We discovered baby to be is certainly a she, and we decided on the perfect name. MandaLynn Fawn Taylor, to honor proud papa kins' magical moves on Mandoline. This felt just right. We played baby MandaLynn music. Songs by us, songs by the legends, we just knew she too would be musical some how. More time flew. We were just round the corner from our home birth, when news of sudden change came. Our sweet love child, MandaLynn, her heart had stopped. Just like an angel, she graced us with love and light and then gone. We were dreaming, we thought, we would just wake up-awake we were. Here in the eye of perfection, one glitch-complications, 1 in 2500 appeared to have changed the tune to our story. I can not say much more, as enough is enough when you are faced with such heartache as this that is ours. I can say I have been blessed over and over. Wishing and knowing all things happen for a reason assists me in keeping the madness at bay. So do parallels in love, the greatest of
spirits, and the challenges that make us powerful.
I find my family is music for now, creation blooms within. I love my music man more and more every day and i am thankful for what we have been through. The fuel that is our love is the healing of our song, that we shal continue to play together.
I have loved and been loved, I have lost, and I have won. All in all there is a song to be sung.
So we all know the phrase, be careful what you wish for. Well here I am, guilty as charged yes indeed.
I wished, I wished and I wished... I was blessed.
I haven't been all to open about my personal world, but i find at this time its ok to share.
Afterall, I made one of those wishes right here. I wished for my family to become one with my music. Well in due time, I found and fell in love with an angel. An angel of whom has been saved by music, just like me. I won that wish. A musical man full of the magic came when I had least expected. In fact I had given up on the idea of really finding love in parallel with music and had began to just have fun. Then he came along, Mr. Mandoline himself. I did not even know how musical he was in the begining. We were friends of mutual friends and there it happened. I recongnized his soul seemed familiar with mine and I let myself begin to slip and fall. He did too. Serendipitously. So we fed each others flight with sillyness, musical moments and then some and he opened me to the idea of his joining the band. I agreed, we practiced, and made sparks fly, and Kinfolk was complete with our chemistry. Once familiar, we became this partnership of music, love, life and friendship-the kind you only dream of or wish for. We really found perfection in wishes, just by finding each other. So we spent a years time loving the hell out of the musical life and of course each other. So many shennanigans, so little time and oops! In the midst of making music we had made ourselves a love child. The wild love that had consumed us had rendered this musical mama pregnant with the first kinfolk family babe. What a blessing, what a change in life. Family in perfect parallel with music, done and done. Papa and I battled the changes, grew to accept them and embraced them. Tangible evidence that love and wishes do come true. His support rendered me fearless, our love fueled each moment, we were one, all three of us. Months flew by. We discovered baby to be is certainly a she, and we decided on the perfect name. MandaLynn Fawn Taylor, to honor proud papa kins' magical moves on Mandoline. This felt just right. We played baby MandaLynn music. Songs by us, songs by the legends, we just knew she too would be musical some how. More time flew. We were just round the corner from our home birth, when news of sudden change came. Our sweet love child, MandaLynn, her heart had stopped. Just like an angel, she graced us with love and light and then gone. We were dreaming, we thought, we would just wake up-awake we were. Here in the eye of perfection, one glitch-complications, 1 in 2500 appeared to have changed the tune to our story. I can not say much more, as enough is enough when you are faced with such heartache as this that is ours. I can say I have been blessed over and over. Wishing and knowing all things happen for a reason assists me in keeping the madness at bay. So do parallels in love, the greatest of
spirits, and the challenges that make us powerful.
I find my family is music for now, creation blooms within. I love my music man more and more every day and i am thankful for what we have been through. The fuel that is our love is the healing of our song, that we shal continue to play together.
I have loved and been loved, I have lost, and I have won. All in all there is a song to be sung.
So we all know the phrase, be careful what you wish for. Well here I am, guilty as charged yes indeed.
I wished, I wished and I wished... I was blessed.
I haven't been all to open about my personal world, but i find at this time its ok to share.
Afterall, I made one of those wishes right here. I wished for my family to become one with my music. Well in due time, I found and fell in love with an angel. An angel of whom has been saved by music, just like me. I won that wish. A musical man full of the magic came when I had least expected. In fact I had given up on the idea of really finding love in parallel with music and had began to just have fun. Then he came along, Mr. Mandoline himself. I did not even know how musical he was in the begining. We were friends of mutual friends and there it happened. I recongnized his soul seemed familiar with mine and I let myself begin to slip and fall. He did too. Serendipitously. So we fed each others flight with sillyness, musical moments and then some and he opened me to the idea of his joining the band. I agreed, we practiced, and made sparks fly, and Kinfolk was complete with our chemistry. Once familiar, we became this partnership of music, love, life and friendship-the kind you only dream of or wish for. We really found perfection in wishes, just by finding each other. So we spent a years time loving the hell out of the musical life and of course each other. So many shennanigans, so little time and oops! In the midst of making music we had made ourselves a love child. The wild love that had consumed us had rendered this musical mama pregnant with the first kinfolk family babe. What a blessing, what a change in life. Family in perfect parallel with music, done and done. Papa and I battled the changes, grew to accept them and embraced them. Tangible evidence that love and wishes do come true. His support rendered me fearless, our love fueled each moment, we were one, all three of us. Months flew by. We discovered baby to be is certainly a she, and we decided on the perfect name. MandaLynn Fawn Taylor, to honor proud papa kins' magical moves on Mandoline. This felt just right. We played baby MandaLynn music. Songs by us, songs by the legends, we just knew she too would be musical some how. More time flew. We were just round the corner from our home birth, when news of sudden change came. Our sweet love child, MandaLynn, her heart had stopped. Just like an angel, she graced us with love and light and then gone. We were dreaming, we thought, we would just wake up-awake we were. Here in the eye of perfection, one glitch-complications, 1 in 2500 appeared to have changed the tune to our story. I can not say much more, as enough is enough when you are faced with such heartache as this that is ours. I can say I have been blessed over and over. Wishing and knowing all things happen for a reason assists me in keeping the madness at bay. So do parallels in love, the greatest of
spirits, and the challenges that make us powerful.
I find my family is music for now, creation blooms within. I love my music man more and more every day and i am thankful for what we have been through. The fuel that is our love is the healing of our song, that we shal continue to play together.
I have loved and been loved, I have lost, and I have won. All in all there is a song to be sung.
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